(Courtesy of a friend who was talking about THIS exact thing with me the other day.)
I finished up my last post with the statement “…we are all figuring it out as we go.”
I mean, that sums up everything right?
I am fascinated (and horrified) at what happens as we try to take care of ourselves. It seems most of the detrimental and harmful practices still find their way back in.
In the last year or so, I have had to radically alter how I live. This is not news to me. I knew this was coming decades ago. Yet I persisted in burning the candle at both ends, feeling like I had to be doing certain things (all the things) at certain times and showing up in certain places.
I try hard to keep it hidden as much as possible. I show up (as the extrovert I am NOT) during business hours and a few select events in the evening throughout the month. I have blocked my weekends and rarely do anything besides the basics. I meet up with friends, go to events only a few times a quarter and timed strategically for building up reserves before and restoring after these events.
Even for me, someone who has seen how well this works for me and can feel the benefits, I feel like I’m the odd person out – because I am. Some friends joke that I have sequestered myself and that I want to be a hermit. I actually don’t (surprisingly). But the wear and tear of living and working has just become to where I need to scale back, way back, more back than seemingly pleasant or social.
This is a never-ending challenge. Balancing life, the work, and taking care of yourself – then add in last minute things and those you love… Sometimes I’m amazed that we are all not collectively losing our minds (though maybe we are, just keeping it “appropriate” for now.)
I have what I’ve heard called a “Hard Spend” coming up this week. Everyone around me is sick (people who don’t ever call a doctor are now heading there multiple times) and I’ve been trying to take care, take it easy so I’m ready with my energy to get through a tough event.
But already, I’ve had a few things pop up that have taken more than I planned and now I’m fighting off the crud of end of August that seems to be everywhere. (Maybe there is something to being a hermit in that respect.)
And all I keep thinking about is 2020. When collectively, it seemed like there was more room and respect for taking care of ourselves, body and spirit.
Five years later, I feel as if it is worse than before 2020 even happened. Back then, things were paced, you understood if people opted out. Now that we are craving community and connection in person, it is socially harder to disengage, to back out, to say that it just won’t work for you. We are right back to the proving, striving and “I got this” that we saw as silly for those few years.
And if you decide to be proactive?! Well…
I have lost social connections and friends because I do not go out as much (if ever) like I used to. I cannot keep care of myself, my work and my responsibilities if I do. I know that feeling better is worth it but it can feel like a failure when it seems that you are not able to keep up and “do what everyone else is doing.”
I have lost business connections, possibilities and contacts, again, because I cannot attend these events in addition to everything else I am doing. I would love the possibility to learn, grow, and reconnect. Yet many times, I have to make the choice not to go or reach out due to my energetic limitations.
(Side Note: I have been tested for all the things. And I actually don’t think that I have a problem. I’m not the problem. Society and what we have created for ourselves is the problem.)
On the work side:
I have been retaliated against because I made a decision to take care of my health and focus on my work. I chose to opt out of a work event that was really a social event (and let people know in advance.) I was forced to justify and state my boundary over and over for more than 30 minutes. It was almost just as bad as attending. It then spiraled into a larger problem. I was told that I couldn’t work the rest of the day and the next. And after specifically asking to never speak of it again, I was reported, having to talk to others about the entire exchange. So when I returned I was further behind, with all this extra work. EXACTLY what I was trying to avoid.
That’s why we push through, that’s why we hurt ourselves in the name of “showing up.” Because the alternative is sometimes no better.
How can you take care of your work, your life, yourself when those are your options?
I have no solutions (as you see, sometimes trying to take care of yourself makes things worse). I’ve worked in margin and I’m aware of my capacity enough that I have my built in buffers to keep those awful situations happening less and less. I’ve also made the choice to minimize, if not eliminate relationships with people who react in that sort of manner.
It is figuring it out as we go. (While doing what is best for us and hopefully supporting others as they do what is best for them, whether we understand, approve, appreciate or not – but that’s for next time.)
